KNOWN 2014: Finding My Brave

So part of my commitment to living KNOWN in 2014 was to admit not to hide behind the excuse, "People think I am brave (or whatever other complimentary word you might want to put there -- or derogatory one, for that matter), but that is because they do not really know me." And instead to be brave about letting myself be known.

I took a big step today in finding a bit of that brave. My beautiful friend Cristi, from my college days in New Orleans, has a stunning blog called Motherhood Unadorned where she gets real about motherhood, life and mental health.

I have commended her bravery. And I have proclaimed over and over again that mental health is something we have to get comfortable talking about. And today, I accepted the challenge myself.

So I'm over at her place today finding my brave and talking about mental health after infant loss and miscarriage. Would you pop and over and thank Cristi for taking on this aspect of blogging, for being so courageous, and for letting me do the same?

Thanks. You're the best.

Known. 2014.

That's it. That's the word. My One Word 365. There have been a thousand choices clamoring in my head. I kept kicking them around, tumbling layers of meaning. What spoke to me where I was now? What spoke to my hopes for this new year? What do I need this year.

Be.
Bless.
Blossom.
Authenticity.
Love.
New.

They all wiggled their way in and out of my head and my heart over the last couple of weeks. I have itched for time to get to these questions and really think about them. I had hoped to have time to journal. To reflect. Life didn't allow it in these busy days of Christmas, a monumental baptism, house guests, the arrival of new missionaries, a birthday and the celebration of a new year.

But I have found this one word practice helpful in the past and I really wanted to play. Finally, known made its way to the front of the line to be examined. And it only took a quick turn around it to know this was my word. It could be applied to so many of the thoughts I've had over the last week.

I want to make Christ known by loving the people He has called to love.

I want His word to be known more in my heart. Not just heard. But known. Deeply. Owned and rooted in my heart.

I would love if He would make His will for us a little bit more known.

But most of all, I long to be known. 

I want to spend the year digging into my relationship with the Lord and being known by Him. And by others. So many times, I find the notion of being loved by God, and even by others, a little, I don't know, false? Like I always want to respond, "Yeah, that's because they don't really know me."

Of course, I know that is not true, especially as it applies to God. But I live and I pray and I breathe like it's true a lot of the time. Like I have to pretty myself up before I come to God. Like our relationship is more about what I do for Him than who I am. Like if I hide the ugly, He'll love me more.

And then there is just this whole issue of time. It times time to really get to know someone. To build intimacy. To build trust. And it takes consistency. And being alone with that person.

I have not done a good job of letting myself sit with my Lord very much lately. It's a chicken or egg kind of dilemma. Not sure if I gave in to the temptations mentioned above and so began to distance myself or if those temptations began to win more and more because I wasn't making time to be known.

Either way, it really doesn't matter.

What matters is that He does know me. And He wants to know me. And I am built with an innate need to be known by Him. 

And I have not tended to it as I should lately. And I am banking 2014 on it. On building intimacy with my God, and on letting that intimacy spill over into a few relationships I have picked to intentionally invest in, and into knowing His word and into making Him known.

But first and foremost, it is about me and Him. About laying myself bare before Him and knowing the one thing that matters most, that I am not only loved, but known.

I'd love to know what word you are clinging to in 2014, and I hope you'll join me on my journey as well.

This weekend baby Sabrina was baptized in our parish with my husband and I serving as godparents.
She was the first baby born to a St. Francis Emmaus Center mom and the first baby of an indigenous family baptized in the central church under our newly structured parish. It was beautiful, humbling, profound.